Longest Blog- but well worth the read. xo

Today marks a very important day in my life. For many different reasons, that I would love to share with you. Four years ago I decided to go to bible college, instead of university. I remember before I had made the decision to go to bible college, I went with my parents to UNC to get an idea of what university is like, and I broke down crying. I knew that in my heart God hadn't called me to go to university.

I wanted to become a missionary ever since I was 14, and went on my first short term trip to El Salvador. I just didn't know I could fully pursue it as a lifestyle. After going to UNC, I went to my pastor and asked him where I could go to be a missionary and he said, and his words I won't forget. " Before you can go and teach someone what you believe, you need to know it first". What he was really saying was, I should follow the desires in my heart, and the first step towards that is to get learn what I believe.

I stepped into Charis Bible College in August 2007, and it happened to be that the first friendly face I saw was Elise Tuff ( now Johnson ;) I met her in 7th grade choir, I believe that was a God plan, to have a familiar face there. I laugh remembering that I didn't bring my bible that day, and didn't think I would need it on the first day...and Elise got a good laugh too, and she had happened to bring an extra one to school, and gave it to me. Come to find out Elise had just arrived back in America for her 2nd year of college, after doing her first year in Belfast, Northern Ireland!

I sat through most of my first year, by myself, and not wanting to meet one person. I wanted to learn as much as I could so I could go out, and teach what I learn to people all over. Then come February 2008, I was invited to an 80's dance party, and there became dear sweet friends with Abbie Parker. It may have been the awesome music, or the terrible clothing or the combo, that brought our friendship together...but I'd say more so...God.

In that same month... I felt God tell me to go to Belfast, Northern Ireland and help the school. When I called the directors, who at the time I had no idea who they were... and asked. They then went on about how they had been praying for a worship leader to come! So I decided that was an "open door", and began my steps towards going over seas. Not only to help the the directors, but to finish my 2nd year and graduate there. I remember going up to the director of the international CBC's, Wendell parr, with shaking hands and not much alibi...other then " God told me". He said, " If you get all your ducks in a row...you can go". I had never tried to line ducks up so fast in my life!

( and then some miracles happened, fill in this spot______________________________etc.)

I met the directors that summer, and was on a plane to Belfast in August 2008! I remember writing in a journal some wonderful friends gave me before I left, " I know what it feels like to be right in the CENTER of God's will now..." I just knew I was going to right place, at the right time. I spent the next 9 months, 1 birthday, 1 Christmas, etc. surround by Irish men and women, and lots of challenges and laughter. I'd say I was cornered ( by my circumstances) to be grown up, and make decision's without the help of my oh so loving mother. I went on a missions trip to Austria and fell in love with teaching to strangers from another place! I graduated, with some of my most important friends I have ever had in my life...without them keeping me warm and feed, I don't know if I would have made it!

( in case you might not have realized...this blog is going to be a long one...a lovely long one)

In January 2009 while in Belfast, I heard about a family in India that had started a bible college. Russ, David, and Judith Forgoston. I had never met them, but heard that in December 2008 they had a baby girl named Hannah. They were currently in America speaking at the bible college, and my mom was at school. I felt in my heart God telling me to help them. I asked my mom if she would talk with them, and let them know. When she went up to them, and said, " My daughter wants to come and help you guys in India". They said they had been praying, and were NOT surprised that it was being answered. I emailed them, and we made plans for me to go over for a couple months that coming fall to help.

( miracles go here_________________) I didn't tell them at the time, I didn't have the money to go... because I believed if God wanted me there...It was His job, and I trusted He had all the money. They planned a time for me to play a song at our church to raise money, and as I was driving to church that Sunday, God told me, " Today I will be paying for your WHOLE trip". After church, a man I had never met, came up and said, " I want to buy your tickets to, and from India". The rest of the money that was raised completely covered the cost of my living as well!!!! God loves me. ha

Long story short. Not only did I fall in love with India, but the Forgoston. They are now my second family, that I NEVER intend on forgetting! I became as they call me, " The Super Nanny". I learned how to teach, be brave, be flexible, be sweaty, and be honest and REAL!
What I learned from them, I feel I could never repay... a life changing experience.

I remember flying to India, and crying the whole time...thinking I was going to die. Then I cried all the way back home, thinking I didn't know when I'd ever see these wonderful people again...( don't worry... I do!)

I then quickly flew home, re-packed and moved to New Zealand to live with my sister and her super fantastic man Bean. I lived and worked there for 5 months, and going there I expected to change peoples live, bring Jesus there, and teach the gospel. I thought that whatever job I got, I would just love the people, and they would want to know God.
...we should all remember to keep our eyes open to what God is trying to show us.
I ended up growing more then anyone else. I didn't change New Zealand, but New Zealand sure showed me a few things. I got to completely fall in love with my sister, she is so stunning, and full of life. I believe that God wanted me and her to see each other in new ways, and learn about how wonderful each of us are. My sister brings out a side in me, no one else in the whole world could. I learned that sometimes you don't actually know someone...tell you take the time to. Thanks Jess for letting me be apart of your beautiful little world...I love you. and the shimmy.

From there I jumped back into America, and worked at a summer camp for the YMCA, and started saving money, not sure what the next fall would hold. The Forgoston's came back into town for a few weeks in the summer, and we sat around talking, and they convinced me once again to go back with them for a few months in the fall, and help out. I agreed...and come August 2010 I jumped unto another plane ( God help me...ha) and landed into my " second home." I love India .... did I say that already? ha.

I wanted to help out in India again...but I also wanted to do a 3rd year Internship at CBC, so they approved me to spilt my year between India and Colorado! So I taught a couple classes, learned about how to be pregnant ( not me...Judith Forgoston), and how to hold a new born. To be a good leader, and to listen better. Not try to be perfect, but do my best. Make mistakes...and still be happy. ha
I didn't want to leave...but was so looking forward to going to Colorado again and finishing my internship.

November 2010 I flew back to Colorado, with a few days before my birthday. I was THRILLED. This would be the first time in two years I'd be home for my birthday and all the fun holidays!
Since November I have been sitting in classes, with some incredible teachers, that have sow so much truth in me... it is pouring out! I met some friends that I will carry around with me no matter where we each go. One in particular I must mention.

Sara Wilson Forgarty. Her impact on my life, is one hard to describe. She is a person that doesn't ask for recognition...but gets it because her light is so bright. She practically dances through the halls at school, and befriends all visitors or non visitors. ha. She has a joy and happiness you can't even comprehend...knowing where she has come from. Her story is one that you wouldn't want to read in a book, and you wish you could replace for another one. I am truly amazed by her love and compassion, after not ever really experiencing it herself. When I came back to CBC Colorado in November this year... I felt a bit shy, and didn't know where to fit. Sara showed me that I don't have to fit anywhere... I can just be me. She has said the sweetest most kind words to me, that I won't ever forget. I love her, and how she is free and fearless in the face of man, she loves the people I am afraid to love. She gives more of her time, and money then should be allowed. She makes me want to live life for God...OUT LOUD! Thank you for showing me what life is TRULY about Sara. love you.

And back to today... today I celebrate the end of 3rd year. I have done it. After 3 years, I don't even know where I could begin... I finally know who I TRULY am...In Christ. Its not about me being perfect, or being a nice person. Its about how truly beautiful Christ is, and how perfect HE is, and He gave His life for me, so I could forever be HIS! I finally can say, GOD LOVES ME. and know it in the depths of my heart, it is etched on it forever.

His love overwhelms my heart. I have always found it a bit strange when people say, " I know God loves me." I think, " me too..". Then just last night we had a worship service and my super friend Jordan D ( who actually knows how to spell his last right anyways...ha) began singing...

" He is Jealous for me, loves like a hurricane I am tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy...when all of sudden I am UNAWARE of these afflictions ECLIPSED by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are, and how GREAT Your affections are for me...and whoa...HOW HE LOVES US ... Whoa... Oh how HE loves us...how He loves us...whoa."

In that moment... I started to cry, and in my heart for the first time... I knew... I KNOW. that God loves me. He really does...not because of me, and anything I can or could ever do...but because that is what HE does...that is who He is... LOVE!

Thank you for spending the time to read these stories, and be apart of my life. Thanks for sowing words of wisdom, and encouragement, money, and laughter. I am so blessed to have gone so far, and so close, and learned so much. I believe there is more ahead HERE that God has for me, and I'm looking forward to it. But I just wanted to, as a close to my Charis Bible College "life" say...thank you. so much.

To Save A Life

I just spent a wonderful day out with my family for mothers day, so much sunshine...I of course wore a dress. Though this post is not to talk about the weather, or cute clothes...
Tonight we rented a movie called " To Save A Life"
It was inpiring beyond what I could put into words... I truly was moved by it.
It made me want to be more thankful, and more thoughtful...
There is so much in life that sometimes can not be fit into a box...
and God is one of those things...
God wants to show us that life is bigger then what we can see with our eyes, and to look beyond what we think is imporant, and see what really is...His Love.
His love is what changes, or I should say CHANGED everything.
We must first be willing to let His love change us...Love NEVER forces...
Life is not too hard for God, and He thinks outside the box...
When we feel we have run out of ideas...and can't find a way... He knows just what to do.
ask Him to show you.

Seeing as it has been way too long since my last writing, I thought I would post a few precious photos and some updates. Lets do photos first xo

I accidently hiked the incline with my fabulous polish friend Kenga!

THE PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL...it was a great day!

My favorite Indian Family came to visit us for two weeks...That is Hannah, one of their girls I nanny!

Some geese...

My Sister got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My SuperHero Friend cutting some carrots, having a fancy pants dinner at a friends.

BriTa and SaRa, sara insisted we took this photo cause we were covered in so many colors this day.xx

Srabble competion between America ( Joey) and Kenya ( Beatrice) ...sad to said...Kenya conquered.

&&& my brother went to prom with a friendwho I used to babysit for when she was 6!

Alex's looking sharp for Prom.

That was a quick photo update of my year so far...and I also posted some of my music on youtube, for those of you who can't view them on facebook...hooray!

Here are the links: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o0IHCp506M

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giSJ1VeIUVU

Perception can become your reality

That quote above, I have heard a few times lately. The way you perceive things, is mostly what will seem real to you. I must say that I am guilty of it, and very often it becomes reality. Though somethings in life are not as we perceive them. For example:
When I went to New Zealand, I would gaze at magazine covers, and gaze away. Not knowing who is on the cover, and since I don't know them, I don't really have a pull to buy it. Then again the women behind me, grabs a magazine and has her eyes glued to every page, as if that she knows that person very well. Perception. To her she can relate to it, cause she knows that face. I on the other hand, don't relate at all. So how can something seem important to one person, and unimportant to another. Perception.
To that lady with the magazine, she feels like that person is famous, and in her reality, she is important. It makes sense. to her.

Sometimes our eyes can show us something, and we take it as reality, though there may be two sides to the coin. Well actually most likely...there is. When that moment comes in life, when someone tells you what you perceive as real, isn't at all. First reaction: angry and wanting to prove my perception is true. (There are of course things in life, like Jesus that regardless of your perception, He is real). If that lady that was sucked into the magazine, were to turn to me, and say something like, " Isn't that shocking? Can you believe that she got a nose job?" I would kinda be like, " um... I guess, but I never saw her nose before, so I can't see much difference". I could see that lady being a bit fluster, that I interrupted her reality, with a little bit of mine.

I sometimes get lost in my own ideas, and imagine them to be real. Then today, I had a break through moment. Things look different from different views. How can you tell which one is correct? ( Of course using the answer key : Jesus and His Mighty True Word).

I sat on the couch as my mom chatted away on the phone, and I gazed out the window at a little bird. It was balancing on the top of a tree, on a tiny branch. My first thought, " How does that bird not fall over, how does he stay balanced"? Then I kept watching, hoping he would take off in flight, and I could see him do it...he didn't move...at all. In my boredom I was staring at him, and closed one eye. Then I closed the other eye, and took turns looking at the bird, one eye at a time. It was as if the bird was moving from the left, to right. I close my right eye, and he moved left, I close my left eye, and he moved right.

That was it. Unless I look through both eyes, I would have a wrong picture of reality. I would think the bird is on the left, then the right. Though with both eyes open I can clearly see, he is in the middle. I also closed both my eyes for the fun of it, and had no idea where the bird went. ha.

Its important to keep your eyes open, both of them. To get a CLEAR view of the TRUTH. We sometimes close one eye, and think something is one way, when really it isn't. We must be willing to let go of our perception of reality, and lay hold of Gods. When we start to look through both eyes at God, He will show us what is real, and true.

::::::Dream up Reality:::::

So my evening looked like this:
I traveled way down Powers, visited a total of 3 blockbusters, and ended my exploration with a drive thru frozen custard from Culvers. The flavor of the day was cookies and cream. One scoop did me good. I was on a movie hunt for The First Daughter. Its old school, but I was in the mood for a good old walk down memory lane.

I popped my movie in, got a blanket, and found a cozy spot on the couch. The next hour and a half, was spent with me, completely trapped into another hopeless romantic film. Now I don't know about you, but as for me, I walk out of a good movie, and still feel like I'm the main character, carrying out the rest of the movie in my normal life. It takes some time for it to finally wear off.

I wish I knew what part of me that does that, so I could turn on the " I'm just watching a movie, and it's not real life, so when it's over, you can return to your daily tasks". I have yet to find that button. It might be the actress in me, or just my wildly vivid imagination. My imagination tends to write stories all day long, as I talk with people, and just listen.

This is not to say I am a writer by any means. If the stories in my head were to be put into words on a page, it wouldn't seem as wonderful as it does to me hidden away. I once told my sister, "It is much better to imagine up someone, then encountering the real 'someone' ". We happened to agree on that point.

When I lived in Wellington, New Zealand, many times I would take myself on walks, to just think and watch people. At times I would spot a lovely looking fellow just passing by, going who knows where. Then for the next few moments I come up with a wonderful romantic love story to go along with him. Though I realize what I came come up with in my mind, could truly be more fantastic, then if he were to: stop, turn around, come back, and say " Well hello there...". I would then have to interrupt my imagination, and fix up a few of the details I thought were fitting. Example: He says " Well hello there..". So #1, in my imagination I pictured him saying, " I had to turn back around to see you once more...", and #2 he had bad breath. Then I now have to go back into my mind, and redo the gliches and apply reality to it. Never as fun as making up a whole story, that may just be a story.

Imagination is a complete gift from God. He wants us to use it in great ways. He wants us to see things that haven't ever been see, and imagine up things we can accomplish. I believe that part of us, is a BIG part of Him. Its a way of Him giving us a picture of impossible things, that are possible to happen with Him. Not just imaginations of stories of handsome men, or distance ships, but stories of hope and destiny.

I have pictures on the inside of me that I know God gave me, things He has planned out for me to do, & He can't wait to lead me into them. I need to begin to think on those things, and believe unlike my walking day dreams, that these stories I imagine of will soon become reality.

Never quit believing that the pictures God has given you are possiable of becoming REAL. With God NOTHING is impossiable. nothing.

P.S. I don't want to put a P.S. in, (but) I know if Paul ( the disciple in the bible) were writing, he would include:::::: Use wisdom, and discernment. Not every picture that we get in our hearts is from God. Just like a relationship, if you spend time with the person, you will know what they what was from them, and what wasn't from them. OR if they would say this, or say that. That is how you know if an idea is from God or not. When you are in relationship with Him, and listening to His voice, you will know if it lines up with His word, or just with yours.

Enjoy dreaming up reality!

Roots...

January 25th, my car straight out died on me. I barely got it back to my house, my dad has to follow me home from blockbuster. It was sluggish, and the check engine light was on. Maybe a few days before that, I had went to get my car checked, cause it was acting weird for a while. I know my car ( cam cam ) pretty well, and I could tell she wasn't being herself. The people at auto zone said I just have a a little problem, and it can be fixed easy. So Eric ( my super step dad) fixed her up.

Though she was fixed, there was more problems, that we couldn't "see". Then on that Tuesday night, my car wouldn't work anymore. It could barely run, and sometimes wouldn't start. So the next day I took it to a car place to have them see if they could figure out what was happening. The guy said it would cost a lot of money, and take a lot of time. He would have to take all these parts out to find the "root" of what was happening. He couldn't figure it out.

Instead of paying him, I took my cam cam home, again...and asked Eric to take a look at it whenever he could. So since then it sat for a long time, and Eric would look at it, and drive it from time to time. Finally he got a few different parts, and started to try replacing different things. Its like working with something you have no idea what may be causing the problems.

Its been about 20 days, almost a month, that I have been away from my car...Its funny how I miss it, though I have still been provided with rides every time I need it. Though its just not the same.

Tonight Eric tried putting another part in, and the check engine light went away and he said it was running. So I asked if I could just go drive it. "They are still some things not working", he said. As I walked to the car, I was almost a little sad, just feeling like I hadn't driven her in so long. I got in, I move my seat forward to where I could reach the peddels, and then saw the E-brake was on. I couldn't remember where the release was...funny how only after 20 days, I had already forgot where it was. I turned the light on, and found it.

It was hard to start, and didn't drive the same. Its like its moving quite slow, and it won't go as fast. I felt like I almost wanted to just get a new car, its been almost a month, and none of us can figure out what is happening with it. Not only have I got discouraged, but so has Eric. Even though the check engine light had turned off, as I drove it...it came back on.

I want to give up some days, and just go get another car. That would be easy, cost a lot, but it was be "easy". I wouldn't have to spend some much time and effort. Though as I drove I just started to realize, I have a good good car, its been wonderful, and yeah it has some problems, that I can't figure out on my own, but what it requires really...is time. Time, and belief that it will get figured out.

The thing is, there are a few little problems that popped up that got my attention, but those all came from a "root" problem. So I believe we are going to find it soon, and then my car will be back in working order.

With all that car talk, here is what God has showed me.

People are like cars. You know them well, and maybe even for a short while. Though, if they are having a hard time, or seem to be a bit off, you ( most of the time) can notice. Though there are times that you don't have a clue, and they just have a break down.

You tried to fix what has happened, or ask other peoples advice. Everyone seems to have different ideas of what what have caused the break down, though no one really knows.

You try to figure out what it may be, by asking people, or asking the person, or checking the owners manuel. Though no matter how much investational work you do, you realize it is just going to take time and belief to see the root problem get fixed.

Of course just like my car, there are times you want to just go and get another car. Or in the people department, another person. You think, I can't figure this out, or figure out how to help you, so I'm going to just step away. Its not a bad thing, its more of what you believe for. If you are believing that you have a good car, that works great, but is just going to need some fixes. Or you think its old, and obvisiously not working, why spend so much time with this, and instead go get one you know is working fine.

With people: you think its been frusterating, or hard to figure out how to fix whats going on. You at times wonder if its worth your time and effort, if its actually making a difference. Then thats when you deciede if you believe that this person truly will recover, or you think you might as well cash your chips in, cause its "easier".

I don't say these words to condem myself, or make me feel like I can to keep my car, or keep my friends. I say it cause God even though we weren't running right, and things were going wrong...Gave us brand new life. He didn't give up, and never goes. No matter how long, or how broken down we may be. He sees that the "root" problem is that we need Him to make us BRAND NEW. Once that happens, the car ( and us) can begin to start running again. God never cashes in for a new car, or a new child, He sees us as up and running. He believes in us...

thank you God.

Thankful

Yesterday night as I drove home, it was lightly snowing, the sky was black, but white snow clouds were blowing around. I loved looking at the sky at night, and having it look so different then usual. I began to thank God for how wonderful life is, and all the little things that I forget to notice.

One day a few weeks ago, I had enjoyed being out in the sunshine, and around 5:30pm the sun started to go down, and for the first time in my life, I was thinking, " I really am going to miss the sunshine...I don't want it to go down." As I had that thought, I was reminded by God in an instant, that the moon and stars were coming out soon. God never leaves us without light. I loved that, that even though in my heart, the sun going down was bad news, right away good news came.

That night when the moon and stars came out, I looked up and just loved the fact that you can enjoy different times and season.

So last night, as I got all thankful, God showed me more things I had not noticed were good, and happening around me. Let me start with what I would call the "bad" things, and then end with the "good" things.

A few weeks ago, my car started to act up, and I wasn't able to drive it anymore. My step dad can fix cars, but during these past few weeks, he has been busy at work on the house. So I ( patiently) waited, and got lifts from friends, and used my moms car when it was avaiable. Along with that I have felt lead to do volunteer work, instead of getting a paid job. Found out about some places I can serve in. I get so excited about working towards something, voluntaraly.Though at the same time, it puts me in the postion to TRULY trust God for increase. Also one of my friends has been going through a bit of a ordeal, and I am not quite sure where my place is in it. I find myself mostly praying, and pretending like I have all the answers.

As these things kinda come up at once, it can seem like a pile of bad. This is how my thinking has been the past couple weeks: " I don't have a car, so I have to get rides back and forth, and then I have to use my moms car at night, and then I need to pay for things, but then my heart is to serve voluntary, and I don't know how to help my friend." So, to have some time away to think and talk with God I have started running at night. I will pray outloud if no one is there, and I love that. Last night was one of those nights, I didn't "have" to go run, but I knew I should. I got into a negitative nancy mode, and needed to get out of it.

As I ran I just prayed for everthing, and just was quiet for a while to hear what God wanted to say. Didn't hear anything really..until on the way home, when I saw those winter clouds in the night sky. I got this since of thankfulness. I was driving my moms car home, and it's as if my eyes finally saw what was right in front of me. A LOAD OF GOOD that I didn't see before.

The "good" things:
-For the past 3 weeks, I have been getting FREE rides from a wonderful couple, that happen to live down the street from us. I have been to school ON TIME everyday, because they always pick me up early. Then they offer to give me rides back.
-The car my mom has, happens to be one of my favorite, an SUV Honda, and is WAY better then my Cam Cam. I have been driving around a super fantastic SUV for 3 weeks no questions asked.
-In the midst of doing Volunteer work, God has placed quite a few oppurtunities for me, and the people gaven OVER and ABOVE what I could have imagined.
-Because I haven't been driving I haven't had to pay for my cars tank..PRAISE GOD!
-My step dad happens to be a machanic and can fix anything with my car, for Free.99! ha
-Even though my friend is having a hard time, every day I have been surround with GOOD REPORTS of improvement, and surround with friends that all are standing together and believing for the VERY best.

and so on...

All of a sudden I saw how life comes ( and sometimes other "things") to pull us aside and discourage us, and say YOUR SURROUND WITH BAD, and your never getting out of this. Then God continues to speak the TRUTH to me, and surround me with the very very very best every moment. HE knows that I already have the victory, cause I am His, and He already won! My job is to beleive His report more then my own, and others.

I came home with an attitude adjustment FOR SURE. Thank God for His goodness, and for the good things He has that are surrounding me.