Being a Baby.

and thus begins my year of "new".

I started my nanny job yesterday, and waking up at 6:15 am is more intense then I thought.
I also came to an incredible conclusion... I should say my dad did, and then I thought it was my conclusion.
After an hour or so of hanging with Isaac ( the baby I nanny for ), I ran out of ideas of what to do.
So I put him in the stroller and went for a walk for a little while. I got the idea to call my dad, I knew he would be up. He drives school buses in the morning, so he is up an hour before me!

So I gave him a call as I walked, and talked to him about what to do when I don't know what to do. I kept referring to the situation as " I don't know what else to do with Isaac...", and my dad so perfect said, " Well if he plays by himself, maybe you can find things to do while you watch him." It must have been the way he said it, that my brain fully understood what I had going on. The problem I have is not with Isaac...but...me. Isaac is happy and plays by himself, but I don't know what to do with myself. How backwards is that.

I then had to grow up a little, and say that I was really being the child, and he was being the adult. He is the best kid to watch, super fun and easy to spend time with. He really only cries when you should. If he gets hungry, or tired. We as adult still "cry" about that in a more professional manner though. So I don't blame Isaac for expressing his needs. As adults we just stand around and start making comments out loud to each other like, " man lunch sounds so good right now...". Until everyone gets the idea, and we go. I'm pretty sure if Isaac could talk he would say sometime like that, so he can't...and if I couldn't say anything, I would surely cry as well.

So long story short. Two days in and I have learned more about myself, then I had intended to.
I also get mid-morning naps, that include crazy dreams... I love it. So waking up at 6:15 am is early, but but but, I then get an hour and a half solid ( dream included) nap! AMEN! 

Bee Guards

The other day I was sitting in my lovely homes backyard, and I noticed some bee's flying around.
We have a collection of bee flowers, as I call them. Other people would say we have a garden, but I just say that it's a collection of flowers, that attract the most dangerous species of all time...Bees.

When I was 8 years old I was with a friend, and we both were rolling around in the grass, and I happened to roll over on a bee. I can remember that day so well, and the extreme pain I experienced. I had a deep fear of bee's from that day onward.

Even to this day, I run from bee's, even in front of strangers, who may not know what I am doing. Example: I was waiting for my friends to come to mini golf, and I was sitting outside on a bench, and the golf guy running the place was behind the counter. All of a sudden there was a bee flying around me, and I got up and started running away from it, and making scared noises. I then turned to the guy, and explained to him " I am more scared of bee's then anything...". He didn't have much to say. I was a little embarrassed, but it was hilarious.

This is going somewhere...I promise.

In life we put guards up sometimes, depending on things we have experienced, or things that have hurt us. Even times we don't realize that we have put a guard up, tell someone tells you about it.

When I was sitting in my backyard the other day, as I mentioned, I realized I had a bee guard up. I wasn't relaxed. I sit there, and watch all around making sure one isn't too close, and if one flies by I usually get a little startled. I even go inside sometimes if they are flying around too much. I kinda feel like a security guard for my safety, and it's a really tiring job. I can't just sit around and enjoy the sunshine, because I have to be on my guard, watching and listening for any possible "attack". I am predicting because of a pass bee experience, that all bee's have a secret love to sting people when they aren't watching. That is ridiculous... there is no way a bee would know if you were watching it or not. Bee's can't read my mind, it's as if I think they know I know they are there, and I'm not going to let them get me. I may sound a little nuts... that's fine. haha

The funny part is, the one time I did get stung, the bee didn't even come after me... I rolled over on it. Though I still think that it was all the bee's fault and not mine. I hold a grudge...I admit to it. lol

But see here... I applied this to life and people.

I can put a guard up, and not realize that I am trying to protect myself, because I know what could or has happened before. I assume the person is waiting for me to let my guard down, so they can attack when I am not ready. As if the person is just like everybody else, and everybody else is just like that person. Not very accurate. It takes a lot of your own power and energy to watch their every movement, in case it shows you signs of "attack" or you could say signs of potential heart brake or hurt. Even if in the past you knew someone just like that bee, that never meant to hurt you, but maybe you "rolled over", and they reacted to your decision. Then in their reaction you got hurt too. So then you meet another person, and you keep a watch on them, as if they may turn their back on you. So you only tell them certain things, or only go certain places with them. We put a guard up. Now now now...don't get me wrong. You should always be wise, and use discernment. I wouldn't go into a bee hive and do a dance for them. I know what could make a bee angry, and I wouldn't do that. Same way, I wouldn't go and purposefully invest in someone, and while so knowing they are not safe.

I guess the thought summed up is that, you can't always protect yourself by putting a guard up. It's exhausting, and at times can steal away the joy of a moment. I can't enjoy the sunshine, cause I know a bee might come flying by. Then sometimes I can't enjoy someones company, because I am wondering when they can say something, or do something that could hurt me.

Instead we have to put our hope and trust in God, and not try to protect ourselves. God wants to be our shield and safety. He wants us to hope in Him, because He will never let us down. If we are more concerned with knowing Him, then we will know when the "bee's" are coming. He will show us. It say's he will lead and guide us into all Truth, and we have to believe He will. When I let God show me things, instead of me trying to figure them out...then I can enjoy the sunshine, and enjoying my friends company.

Lean not unto your OWN understanding, but in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM, and HE will direct your path.

The Ocean & me

I had some time today to read a little... and I came across this verse in Jeremiah, and I kept reading it over. It is a powerful and true thing to say, and that is why I loved it.

" I placed the sand for the boundary of the sea, a perpetual barrier beyond which it cannot pass and by an everlasting ordinance beyond which it cannot go? And though the waves of the sea toss and shake themselves, yet they cannot prevail [ against the feeble grains of sand which God has ordained by nature to be sufficient for His purpose]; through [ the billows] roar, yet they cannot pass over that [barrier]. [ Is not such a God to be reverently feared and worshiped?]

-Jeremiah 5:22

Even though sand is so small by itself, when it is place together it has power. It has the ability to hold the sea. If I were to take a walk along the beach, I could easily bend down and scoop up some sand into my hand. It doesn't have much strength against me picking it up. Though the ocean could sweep me away in an instant, and I had to learn to swim with it, to not be carried away.

The sand overtakes the ocean, and the ocean over takes me. I can't overtake the ocean, but I can overtake the sand. So you would think because I could overtake the sand, that I would be able to over take the ocean... strange how God made the world. Beautiful as all get out, though very complex and simple at the same time.

It took the supernatural power of God to split the ocean in half, so moses could take the people through. Sand doesn't need God's supernatural power, God made sand's job to hold the ocean back. It is truly astounding to me.

This is a Laura thought but:

God didn't want to have a relationship with sand, or the ocean... He wanted to have a relationship with us. There are many things that we have to believe God for, and ask Him about. Moses had to take the rod, and place it in the ocean... he needed God. We were made to need God, He made us that way. " Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." God wants us to believe in Him, and watch Him work in our lives. He loves us.

So even though the sand has so much power over the ocean, we have power over the sand. God made life to have Him be apart of it. In our world. if the sand had power of the ocean, we wouldn't be able to have power over the sand. I love that God makes impossible things happen.