Buzzzz

This is a quote from " The Bee Movie"
I found quite inspiring : )

"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small, to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee of course, flies anyways.

because bees don't care, what humans think is impossible. "

We need to be a bit more like bees, and little less like humans.

changing is a choice

A song can't change someones life.

I have come to the conclusion that I have wanted my music to change peoples days, or moods. To make them change their minds sets, and situations. Though a song only last for three or four minutes. Once you press play, and listen in those few moments you can loose track of worry, or gain joy, or even cry. But just as the song draws to a close, your real life flashes back into place, where your imagination was drawing pictures from ideas inside of a song.

The choice to change must be chosen by the person themselves, not the writer of the songs. No matter how many songs they hear, or new ideas sung about they won't change, unless they want to. Change comes by choice, and choice comes by the freedom to choose yourself, and you can try to influence someones freedom, but you don't have the power to choose for them.

I do find myself in almost another world when a good song comes on the radio, as I am driving along. I picture myself in just that place as they sing about. Then another song comes on and i completely forget what I was singing about before. example: " I'll spread my wings, and I'll learn how to fly, though its not easy to tell you goodbye, but I gotta take a chance, make a change, and break away..." -Kelly Clarkson. I always sing that song as if I am leaving someone to do something. But when the song ends I go back to my normal activities. Nothing is wrong with this at all. I actually find it quite healthy. I think it is good to have things in life inspire us to pursue great things. Though if we were to change our lives to fit a song, we'd be changing every four minutes.

As a song writer, I find this concept deeply sading. I write songs to change lives, but deep down I know that I can't ever change a life but one song. Though I know Jesus can change a live in less then it takes for me to sing through one of my songs. He can use me to change a live, or my music. I can not expect that when I play a song the person is going to turn around, and be changed. Feeling 100% better, and ready to face whatever is ahead of them. I think, yes it can be encouraging...but it takes a big amount of work on their part as well. Most of the time someones words can't change your reality. So I believe my songs, can encourage people..to change. And for a moment, it can encourage them...and build them up. Though my music can't change people.

See today...I played a new song I wrote to someone I thought needed to hear it. It is about doing something in life that you know is too big for you to do on your own, and how that means God has a big part in helping you. So I played it for them, and they seemed to enjoy it, but I left the room, and was sitting and just thinking ( my usual activity)...and overheard them once more talking about the challenge they were going through, and what was difficult about it. It was then I realized that even though I play a song, it can't change someone. It was encouraging, but it didn't change their circumstance.

In life, i think we all find things we think will fix or change our situations. In the end they all seem to run short, or run out. Our attempts are well thought out, and as we think a "great" idea. The true fact is that everything was made to come short... the only thing that truly fixes anything...is Jesus. Knowing that its not my job to fix the world, or change people is encouraging. Then again I think about how Jesus has to use people to reach people, so I believe we can influence change. But love never forces. So I can't force anyone to change with my music. I just have to write believeing God will use my music to influence change, and encourage people.

thats all.

THE BIG BLOG

My last day in India: ( and the evening before )

I slept in a super blessed room, when the power would go out, my room would still have power and AC. So earlier in the evening the power had gone out, so I told the rest of the people in the house, " If you need AC feel free to sleep in my room." No one took me up on my offer, so I was tucked in bed, preparing for the next day ahead where i would be leaving, and going onward to Colorado. When I heard a knock on my door...Autumn and Jeff a couple I lived with opened my door, and all I could see through the darkness was there head flashlights. Then autumn says,
" we decided we wanted to have a sleep over with you on your last night." Following behind her Jeff brought in a mattress and two pillows. We all got snug, and fell right asleep.

That morning, I woke up a little earlier then usual. Considering it was my last day in India, we had suseela the lady that helps with the house, come and put Sarees on Judith and me. After getting all ready, we piled into the car and headed to the school for my last day with the students.

As we walked in the door, all the students were laughing, and just in shock that Judith and I had sarees on. They all said he both looked so Indian. I felt a bit shy, considering I was dressed up head to toe, and trying to act normal. After a couple of the students classes that day, we had a long break until their next class. A few students gathered in a classroom to play a few songs they had written. Of course they began to play, and the other students drizzled in to sing and dance along. Don a student sat playing the guitar, while the others were clapping and singing with him.
When the music ended, they all said to go get some tea. They all know that I love Indian tea.

So as we shuffled into the other outside room, I saw the students had prepared a fair well party for me! They had tea and snacks. We all stood around eating and laughing, and just enjoying each others company. I thought that was the end of it, cause we all went outside for a group photo, then back inside ( i thought) for class. As we walked back into the school I told the students " Thank you for doing that, it meant so much." That ended up NOT being the end, but the begining to a huge fair well ceremony for me. In India they are quick to throw parties for any occasion.

They had me sit down, as a couple students gave speeches about me being in India. A friend Elizabeth who is a student, did a dance to some music. Another student sang a song, and did an interruption of me ( which was SPOT ON). One person stood and shared something he felt God wanted me to know. That I was a bottle filled half way with water, but I floating in a sea of water. He said God wanted to me know that any tears that I have cried or things that have happened to me, that i still carry in that glass bottle, have be overtaken by his love for me. His love is the sea of water that is keeping me a float. Then they had to stand up, and they gave me a card and gifts. A pair of shoes, jewery, and a picture frame. Also they asked me to give a speech...so I did. Laughingly, it was like a movie moment. I felt like you only see these things happen on TV and don't think they will ever happen to you. It was so hilarious. Then a hand full of students stood around, hold candles and Jeff grabbed the guitar. They all lite their candles and began to sing
" Go Light your world ". At the end they handed me a candle and said, " Carry your light around the world." and then told me that i could then blow mine out here. Victor a student then disappeared, and showed back up holding a cake! The cake said Fair well Laura, we will miss you. And as i shared before they handed me the knife, and wouldn't begin to clap until I cut the cake. So i pretended I was going to cut it, then i would pull away...then finally started cutting. I grabbed the first piece, and feed the people around me. Then they each cut their own piece, and feed me back. A few students wiped frosting on my face ( a tradtions for babies) but they did it to me as a joke. We all had to head back to the house so i could pack and get ready. So I said my goodbyes, and found it quite sad to leave everyone.

I couldn't believe what a big party they threw. I told them all that would never happen in America. They all laughed, and I don't know if they understood...that what they did for me was amazing...and I will never forget it.

Today I sailed on...

I am in Sing-a-pore...
and missing Chennai.

Yesterday, at school the students threw me a surprise party...that left me speechless. I will blog soon...every detail I can remember. It was amazing. Then the couple I stayed with and a few friends all went to eat at an Italian restraunt...in India. I then said my goodbyes, and departed Chennai.

This is a bit lame...but wanted to just post the last photo on me in Chennai, and let you know a BIG blog is about to happen.

: )

So Happy here.

So, it is was last evening at home in chennai. I have begun to feel that sad stomach feeling. This time tomorrow night, I will be almost boarding a plane, and headed away from such an amazing place. I have loved the last 2 months, more then i could blog about. I have met the most amazing people that I have ever met, here in Chennai. I will miss it so much, and i honestly hope i come back soon.

Tomorrow morning i will wake up, and get dressed in a sari along with the couple I am staying with...and head to school. My last morning with the students. After spending the morning with them, and having a cup of tea...I will say my goodbyes. Then head home to finish packing and getting life altogether to leave.

Today though!
BIG DAY. I went to school, and after went to Eden my FAVORITE indian food place here. Ate too much, and loved every bite. Then came home, helped a bit with the baby, and then everyone gathered in the kitchen for game night. We placed The farming game, for 5 hours! It was amazing. Then after, a friend came over. BUT not just any friend.

When I was in Northern Ireland, I met a family there and spent time with them. I went to school with this family's mother, and graduated with her. Then I came here to Chennai. While I have been here this families daughter has been here in India as well. I only found out this morning that she was living 10 mins form me in CHENNAI. So we called each other, and by the evening she was at my home and enjoying getting to know everyone. She said it was such a God moment, she has just been praying for christian friends here in India. Also she has been hoping to go to bible school, and only found out recently about CBC India, and had no idea i was working with the directors. So she is now thinking about doing part time course.

It was an amazing evening. I really can express how happy I feel. I love helping people more then anything...and finishing my time in India...bringing people together to help each other...made it all try together in a bow. Love Love Love it.

24 hours left...

Ultimate Indian Experience.

A few days ago I was invited to come to a students home for a meal and company. So I arranged to come today, for the afternoon.
I arrived VIA motorbike. It was the best 30 minute drive. Our normal driver Prabu usually drives the car, but I asked if I could ride on the bike instead. I will admit I was a little bit nervous to first: get on a bike with no helmet and no clue what it is like. and second: going to someones house that I have never been to, wondering what I am in for.

Prabu was the best motorbike driver...he went the perfect speed, and I took videos and photos the whole way. There was smoke, fuels, and dust all over. I loved every bit about it. I just hid behind prabu when it got too dusty. I wish i could describe how it was, but its one of those experiences you have to do to understand. It was like being on one of the tours when, when your in a tram and everything passes by so quickly you can barely remember what you saw. Though when its over, you just remember it was so much fun to see so many things. I wish I had driven more on the bike...

So he dropped me off, and they picked me up about 5mins from their home. And drove me in their van, with a fan AC back to their home. There home was painted purple! The whole family lives together, its like the brandy bunch. The grandma, grandpa, their children, and their children's, children. The way of life in India is so different from ours. I spent most of the time just in my own mind trying to process everything that was being said. Indians proudly display their gifts and talents around their home. They cover their walls with artwork you would never imagine would work. Though they shower you with gifts, and snacks. I tried this spicy puff veggie thing...AMAZING. My mouth was on fire, but i pretended to be tough, and honestly loved the flavor. Its like you either choose to love it or hate it. In my case i choose to love it.


After much chatter, and hellos. They asked if I have been dressed in a Sari yet? I replied that I hadn't but would love to. Then then gathered all there sari, and let me choose. I was thinking maybe they wouldn't fit. But they placed the top part on, and the arms were to large, so they took it and re sowed it in 5 mins, and had it on me in 10. I was just in awe of how they get things done. They wrapped me up, and dressed me in fake gold. A red sari, trailed with gold. I felt like a princess. I wore it for the next hour, walking around and pretending i belonged there. They said I looked like the Indian Model Dolls in the shop cause i have white skin. The "manakins". They grabbed my camera and took photos the rest of the evening. : )

Then we all gathered in their prayer room, to sing and pray. I didn't know that was what was going on. Then I so was glad i brought my guitar tuner, because they asked me to play my songs and of course in India, they have a guitar but it usually isn't tuned. So I played a few songs, then once again each person took a turn and sang their songs as well. I tried to video as much as i could to never forget it. Two little kids came up to sing as well and pray. They asked me if i would pray. I told me sure, but it won't be very long. Here in India people pray for a very long time. They have lots to say. So I just did a quick one, and ended it with a powerful "AMEN".

Afterwards they brought out Indian tea...my favorite. I will miss that tea so much when i leave. I think it is so delicious. I decided to get back into my regular clothes, because prabu was coming soon to pick me up and drive me back home. So I changed and packed away the things they gave me carefully, and gave each person a hug goodbye. They all said they hoped to see me soon in Chennai again. Really was a blessing to experience an Indian Family, and culture for a day.

On the way home, it was dark out and I got to watch the city pass by all lit up and beautiful. People busy on the streets, cars honking, cows strolling around. We passed by a small lake, and I could see the reflection of the city in it...stunning. The wind was blowing my hair every direction, and i pretended once again that I was use to it. I kept looking around and asking prabu question after question about India and life here. I told him that after spending the day with the students family I realize really how different I am to India. I think that you have to be yourself wherever you go, even if you don't seem to fit in quite well, just stick out real well instead. Sometimes you want to fit where you are, but its alright to stand out a little. The world is really so big and small at the same time.


Prabu dropped me off, and my face covered with dirt i walked quickly into the house to make sure the birds didn't poop on me. Its a nightly thing. We all run into the house hoping we didn't get any on us. As i stood at the sink washing my hands, i looked over my shoulder and saw that my shirt had bird poop on it...BUMMER #1, then i turned my head and got bird poop in my hair BUMMER #2. I just had judith wipe it out, and continued on with my eventful evening.

Just now closing my evening with a little blog. I just also washed my feet and hands... its a nightly activity here. Or else you will go to bed with all the things you walked on during the day.

So all in all...an amazing experience. :)

Happy Birthday Alex!

My little brother is one of those people you don’t find everyday. A rare type of fantastic, that you can’t buy at your local grocery store. He surprises me so often with all the things he knows about. I remember so many times saying something out loud like ex: “ I have no idea what the capital of Mexico is…” and then he comes in and just out of nowhere says, “ Mexico City”. Then continues on with his daily activities. While he has moved onto the next room, I stand scratching my head still wondering how the heck he knows all these things. He has this secret passion for life, and people that you cannot make someone have. I truly feel like he loves people more then you actually should. So he keeps it hidden, so you have to dig to find it. I think he loves big, and then that opens a door for hurting big at times. People are people we should love, but never depend on them loving us back. Jesus is the one person that always loves us back BIG. Alex would be a good perfect picture of Jesus, if you saw how much he loved people all the time. He always seems to have money coming out of his ears. Once again one of those people that just naturally produce their own income with ease. Although he does seem to have a steady flow of moolaaaaa he works harder then any other 19 year old that I know. He got a job when he was I think 14, and had the highest sales. On the other hand I didn’t get a job tell I was 17, and I defiantly didn’t get highest sales.

I really love so much about my brother, and I think that sometimes he doesn’t see how great he truly is. How all the qualities God has given him are to not only blessing him but people around him. He is also one of the busiest people I have met, sorta like a businessman. Running a muck, and coming home for late TV and a bowl of cereal to top it off. I love seeing him when I do see him. He really brings out a part of me, that I usually try to keep hidden as well. I am very child ish, but I try to act mature and my age. But when me and alex do something together I turn into an 8 year old. I usually shout, and laugh and do ridiculous things. I think cause I just know that alex loves me for me, even if my actions embarrass him. : ) OH YES one other thing is his fashion. He is usually able to pull himself together in a short period of time while looking sharp. As for me I try to throw on a few things, and then ask him what needs to be fixed (its usually the shoes). I love that he keeps all the things that people give him, going back to how much he cares about people. He never wants to throw much away. I feel like, cause when he gives he gives from a true heart, believing that person will truly enjoy what he has given them. So when he receives something, that is what he does too. I really love the way my brother is, and I want him to never forget how much we all love him. My life wouldn’t be the same with out you little brother. You are great.

Happy 19th Birthday, wish I was there to blow out your candles before you do. Ha.

p.s. I am still providing the plastic forks and knifes for the party ;)

Sing me a song...

Here In India, I have realize something that happens every now and again...that you would never see happen in America.

You will be standing around with people, and then one person will say " I have written a song, and I will sing it for you." out of no where. Everyone then gets quiet, and they begin to sing. After the song is over we all clap and then continue to talk. The other day we had a gathering of full time and part time students. We also had it planned out who was going to do skits and music. The funny thing is, someone would just say " I want to perform a dance.." and then they would go up and perform on the spot. A girl asked me once to play guitar to a song i never knew...It was the strangest 3 mintues of my life...and I think of hers as well. I attempted to find the key she was singing in, then play it...but it didn't work that way.

Tonight, we have a friend Wilfer who came over to help the couple I am staying with. When he arrived he was waiting with me in the kitchen, and just said..." I am going to sing you a song I wrote", and then said " Oh are you making fun of my song introductions?" ( because I have played my songs for the students and that is how i introduce them.) He said, " NO...I want to sing you my own song i wrote 4 years ago." He then starts singing in the kitchen at 8 at night. It was an awesome song, about His bones and blood being alive by Jesus. I just found it so funny, us just standing alone in a kitchen while he sang. I stood watching, but was the only audience.


P.s. Tonight I said my goodbyes to the part time students, and got a chance to lead worship for them as well. It was sad to know I won't see them...until I see them. I hate the idea of never seeing them again, so I believe I will somehow see them.

I love India.

Charlotte's Web

So this evening I was pleasantly enjoying a skype chat with my mother, and her FANTASTIC new hair cut. when...dum dum dummmmm
I look down to find a spider. Like usual I pick up a good size novel and throw it on top of the spider then CRUSH it. I did, but to my surprise...baby spiders came out all over the place!
I just sat in shock watcingh them as they poured out, and the first word that came out oh my mouth
" Oh...Shi*" . I couldn't believe I said it, but then again I couldn't believe they're were baby spiders walking around my room. Its like whats worse then seeing a spider, killing a spider, whats worse then killing a spider, finding out that by killing it you produced a spider farm in your own room.

So for the pass 30 mins I have been walking around like an Indian staring at the walls and floor, trying to find invisible baby spiders. Also note I was holding window cleaner spray to get them wet, then smash them. Sidenote: these are jumping spiders...so imagine, invisible baby spiders that can jump. It was a terrible 30 mins soaked in prayer and sweat. I did kill most of the little guys, and moved my bed 3 times. I sound a bit paranoid...but i really think it was necessary. They seemed to get smaller and smaller the more i found them around the room...which made me wonder how many were too small to see. Of course i grabbed my bible to see afterward if i would turn to some verse about protection. I came to some random verse about David dieing in the old testament.

So with all the baby spiders out of sight, and OUT of my room... I sit on my new positioned bed, and wonder at this moment if killing spiders is really worth it. I would recommend a pregnancy test first...before any attack takes place. If you can't manage to get one, pick the spider up and kindly place it outside of your room. If its a jumping spider, i would recommend leaving the country altogether.

After all this happened I had two thoughts:
1. This reminds me of charlotte's Web the movie. At the end I remembered Charlotte died... and after the babies came out the spider in my room it died. It was like a history class that movie. Its like i knew just what had happened. That jumping spider carried all those babies on its back, while trying to save some pigs life in India. She came to my room to relax before dieing and giving birth. Then I came to ruin the story, and killed her, and attacked all her babies. Really not feeling bad about it for one minute. I mean seriously, this is India.
2. Ok, so I am looking forward to going home now. After encountering random weird insects....this was it. I officially decied, yes I am excited to come home. Where right now its winter, and spiders are frozen under the snow.

My poem for India

If a place feels like home
but home is far away
when you land on familiar ground
will home still feel the same?

When looking out and looking far
not knowing what is there
I close my eyes and start to see
its the Lord's heart i hear

I may not know if i fit well
or if i should never leave
If I pretend I had the choice to choose
would India fit well with me?

I think that maybe I fell in love
with a place that doesn't love me
a place doesn't have feelings
and it can not speak freely

If it could speak it maybe would say
" hello, and have a good day."
but really its left with nothing to speak
when the people speak for it anyway

So i really must say, its the people i love
and the place is empty and vain
without the faces, and colors to fill
I really wouldn't want to stay.

9 days...

Really can not believe my time is running out...

Today I was at the school, and just had the best time with all the students. They were trying to get me to say things in their language...which I am so bad at it. I always seem to laugh so hard, and pretend I am a student here. I am enjoying getting to know all of them, and their stories. I wish i wasn't leaving them so soon, but I believe God will bring me back to see them again somehow.

One student, gave me a present today and she just kissed me on the cheek when I went to hug her, and thank her. Two days ago I had shared with her that I loved her top, and she smelt so lovely. She showed up to school today with a brand new top ( that fit me perfectly) and her perfume. Her perfume happen to just be spray deodorant...so at first I thought that I maybe smelled of something. I asked her " Oh, so do I smell sometimes?" and she looked so confused, she said, " Oh, No I thought you liked my smell?". I was just so surprised that someone would do such a sweet thing. I really was so blessed by her.

There are so many things that I find to think about, while I have been here. Sometimes I feel like i think more then i speak. David has told me, that sometimes you can tell I stop listening in the middle of someone talking. I think I begin to think about the first things they shared, and forget that they are still speaking. When i go and sit somewhere my mind starts to think about all the things around me, and everything that is happening. I find it overwhelming, I guess. The way that everything is so different, and I can't put it all together. Its not like a puzzle in India, you can't make it all fit the way you like it to. You have to see that its differences is what make it fit.
If you were try to fit India inside of America, it wouldn't work. I think every place changes over time, people change as well. Life doesn't sit at a stand still, but sometimes it seems like it. Really if you watch carefully change happens every moment. So I continue to watch India change, and its astounding.

Power Out...Power In

The power went out in the house, so I thought while I have a full powered laptop still running, I should write a little.

For the last 2 hours there has been loud rave dance music playing outside, including base. One thing about India is that it doesn’t matter what you are doing, they are going to do their thing. Loud music is included in that. Seeing as it is almost 9 here at night, I am thinking it will have to end soon. I should record how ridiculous this music it actually. Two days after I leave India there is a huge festival, where for about a week straight they shoot off fireworks nonstop. All through the day and night. Our driver calls my living day “ Laura’s great escape”. I would have to say, I am looking forward to not being here while the noise is going off…if tonight is anything near that.

Before the power went out, I was loading “ a lot like love” on you tube to watch. Also while looking around my room, I decided I was going to organize a bit. I find myself a bit confused at times looking at all the random items in my room. I never know quite where they belong. I could put them somewhere but it still wouldn’t be the right spot.

Hooray! The power just came on…. my fan is going, and I will continue my upload of a lot like love, and my cleaning and organizing.

Oh, I think it is important to mention ( or a thanks to grandma Taylor ☺ ) I was using my handy dandy wind up flash light you gave me. I have used it, I don’t know how many times. ALSO some guys were working on our roof at night and needed a good flashlight…and they picked mine. So thanks grandma so much… you are blessing me way over here in India!

I may post more exciting news later.
Cheers big ears.

vace...fook?

Today I was talking with a friend here named Jino. He asked how he could keep in contact while I am traveling. I asked him " Have you heard of facebook?" and he said, " huh...vace fook?"
I just stopped for a moment and loved knowing someone had no idea what facebook was.
In India you can find people who have normal lives that don't include checking facebook daily.
I loved it. It made me want to get rid of mine, and just write letters the rest of my life...

Jino thanks for opening my eyes a little to the real world around me.
: )

New Faces in New places

Yesterday I got the opportunity to share a little of my story and teach at the school.
I loved it. It was my first time teaching with out an interpreter. I taught once in Austria, but we had an interpreter. I always get a little nervous 30 minutes before, but once i get started and stop thinking about myself I have a great time. I think i love looking at the students sometimes more then teaching, watching their faces and wondering what they are receiving as they are hearing all these teachers. I taught on " changing our view of God", In John 14 it talks about how Jesus is in the Father, and we are in Jesus. So when God looks at us He see's Jesus. So if we are seeing ourselves defeated, then we are seeing God wrong. God is not defeated, He is victorious...and He is on the inside of us. So I really enjoyed sharing the Truth.

Today we have the full time and part time students get together. Not only as it be a blast, but an opportunity to get to know each other. Of course when everyone began to arrive, it was a little quiet and I wasn't sure how to get each of the students to get to know each other. BUT then worship began and the students were worshiping and dancing, and just loving Jesus. Afterward they put on skits ( which were so hilarious ), and sang songs. Then we all had a tea break. We had each student stand up and share a little about themselves as well. Afterwards we played a game, and then had some lunch. The day continued with fun activities and just getting to know each other. I had the best time watching the students bonding so quickly. In some of the pictures I took, the guys were holding hands. In India men are more affectionate towards each other, like brotherly love. It is really is a heart felt thing, we would hug and just share how we care for each other, that is what they do.

By the end of the day, everyone was tired but happy. It was a success, and full of memories. I have talked with a handful of people and each of them tell me to come back and be a missionary in India : ) I secretly love that idea... I find some places to be so different, but you still feel so at home.